Pasar malam is such a common word for us..
for everyone who are reading this passage..
i am wondering..

pasar malam do exists in other country?

the so-oh scenery..
a place where a lot of human being hanging around..
standing by the stall where the business happens..
people walking along the street..
squeezing each other..
and commonly crime happens in the crowd..
where lucky people will realize their purse is missing..

The weather was kinda great.
no sunshine and the view of sun.
thick cloud covered the whole sky.
and that was the most dealing time to take a ride.

With a bottle of sky juice, hand phone and basketball..
oh yeah.the most important thing..my bike's key..
i twisted the key and the engine began to scream loudly..
Simply..both my hand gripping tightly on the handle..
and my right hand twisted the handle..
the bike started to move..

lessons begins..
and life is getting ain't easy again..
the feeling of disappointment still grow beneath me..
perhaps..
some people would laugh at me for being so revengeful..
still remembering the past and never plan for the next..

i admit that was true..
as..
i don't want to take another challenge..
which has zero guaranteed..
yet..
i still have not prepare for STPM..

God..
how i wish u could treat me better..
these two weeks time made me realize that how tough those subjects are..
everyday..
i kept hoping that time would pass slower..
giving me time to understand all of the stuff that teacher had taught..
as..
everything happened just too fast..
it just like..
in a blink of an eye..
a topic is finished and a new topic is about to begin..
that kind of feeling is absolutely bad..
its like i had lost too much of classes and no time to catch them all up..
haiz~

i was still alive..
but barely breathing..
every each time..
i face the reality..
it deeply hurt me...

it is very hard for me to accept it..
everyone around me kept mentioning about it..
and that was very torturing..

this misery..
maybe..
someday..
it will simply leave my life..

(i'm yours by Jason Mraz playing)

the picking of the string.
the beautiful melody.
i close my eyes.
the music plays inside my mind.

i never thought that it would be so comfortable.
That is not under my expectation.
A few minutes before,
myself..
in me..
was full of hatred and anger..
i felt like smashing everything on the computer desk to the floor.
i don't know.
why i act so rash tonight.
my mood is bad.
not under control.

i played lots of song.
hoping that they would calm me down.
from The Bee Gees song,80's till the latest songs from Flyfm Top 40 chart,
none of them worked.

till then,
i saw the song I'm yours in the playlist.
without any concious, i click on it.
ooh~
the song starts playing.
oohh~
no beat rock.
all i heard is guitar's natural melody playing.
hm.the feeling of relaxing and
all of sudden,
i felt like sleepy.
my mind is blank.
everything that i had mad of has gone.
thanks for jason mraz.
songs are miracle.
musics are unexpectable.
perhaps,
music is a gift from god.
as a international language.
something that human can't live without.

NEED YOU NOW

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floorReachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now (wait)

Ooo, baby, I need you now

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what i said is what i felt

this song did absolutely touch me.
i felt like crying after listening to it.

the song's meaning is simple.
the writer is trying to express her feeling of breaking up(like lost relationship) after having a few cup of drinks.
it was 1 o'clock plus in the middle of the night.
the feeling of sadness and disappointment made her to wrote this song.

"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor"
the writer is going through old pictures and having memories come back to her.
"reaching for the phone cause i can't fight it anymore
and i wonder if i ever cross your mind??
the writer has been fighting her need to call and talk to him and ask if she ever crosses his mind.
These lines make me realize how a lot of couples feel.



the best line is
"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all"

She knows that calling will only leave them hurt in the end but his comfort out weights her cost later. Its like undoing stitches before the wound has healed.
Besides that,
In order to really love its gonna hurt a little, its better to feel the good and the bad then be numb to it all.


That's all.
You might have the other way of thinking about this song.
Please feel free to share with me.
too..
check out for the mv.
u will like it.

it all depend on luck..
that i what everyone have told me..
however..
still..
i feel like i am the most useless one among my friends..
i don't know what is the reason..
but i just feel like so angry and disappointed for not getting petronas scholarship..
i don't count it as a luck..
as everyone of the top rankers in my school get it..
except for ME..
perhaps..
i didn't fulfill the requirement..
my name sounds not attractive enough for them to choose me..
guess so..

feeling of unsatisfied..
anger grows beneath from my heart..
makes me started to hate the world..

Counting days to school season.
1,2...eh..3
seems like it only left three days for me to enjoy.
time pass real fast.
to think back,
i had actually spent 6 month on doing nothing.
i am so damn real not satisfied with the way i spent my holidays.
besides working,
i did nothing benefit.

oops.
look through the future.
ouch.
stpm lesson is about to begin.
on monday.
so glad..yet..unhappy.
haiz.
again.
i have to face another national examination which is so tough.
anyone would have admit it.

Now,
i just feels like,
disappointed.
and angry.
hmm..government is so unfair.
maybe i should considering on dying my skin.(>.<)
by now,
i have gave up on trusting any government help.
they are just excuses.
independence is the best way to survive.
relying on others earns nothing.

haha.
so now is the time to prove,
prove that i could success in stpm.
even though i didnt get any scholarships or whatever else.
starts my hardwork on next monday.

when i was form 4,
i get caught by a teacher for cheating in the exam,
that moment left a deep scar in my memory,
since that day,
i changed.
i realize,
being lazy and stubborn bring me nowhere..
i change the way i think, and treat everyone as my enemy.
i struggled.
i studied damn much.
i hide myself in the room.
hugging books most of the time.
when i was in form 5,
i felt like i was already not the real wilszen.
i started to lose my self-confidence.
i rarely communicate with my friends.
keeping myself shy.
as time goes by,
spm goes nearer,
my daily company was books.

till spm reached,
i answered it well and carefully.
i had been worrying about my result for the next two month.
oo.thanks god.
at last,
the result was announced.
and i obtained great result.
i felt quite happy at that time,
as i thought that my life after this would turn to be greater.

at this second,
when i was typing this passage,
i feel like everything i had done had actually comes to no avail.
stupid me..
i shouldn't be expected the world would be so wonderful.
i was so naive.
i felt so ashamed of myself.
i shouldn't believe things called matriculation, upu, mrsm or whatever else.
they are just a lie for me.
i didn't gain any benefit studying in mrsm.
duh.
our country is just too unfair.

haha.
i laughed to myself.
what the hell is happening to me?
everyone is telling me that i could go anywhere great by this result.
even the head of a school said that i don't have to register for stpm as i will surely not staying here and leave for another better place to study.

oh gosh..
look now.
what had happened to me?
erm..still a candidate of stpm..
oh my.
if i realize such thing would happen,
i wouldn't keep dreaming about study in australia..
get lots of scholarship..
experience a new life that i have never been through..

my dream is gone..like 'poof'...
the world is destroy..
haiz..
stpm..here i come..
i hope that u will welcome me...
bye university..
hi stpm..